Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Happily Ever After

I was thinking today why is it so hard for people to find "happily ever after"...then mid thought I corrected myself and thought why is it so hard for people to make happily ever after. This was all triggered a couple of night ago when our neighbor (who is our favorite neighbor ever) came over to chat (as he often does) and in the course of conversation mentioned he and his wife were getting divorced. It made me so sad, even though he kept reassuring us that he was okay. They have been married 20 years and have a 19 year old son. He told me they even went to the movie together last week for the first time in years. I asked him some questions and he said several things that were very sad to me. He said that they just grew apart...that just happens. He said that he is a loner. He does not want to look back on his life in ten years and think what am I doing and why did I not get out of this sooner. He said in order to really be happy he needs to be alone. He wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants, without ever having to consult someone else.
It made me think about Grant and I. I want to go places...lots of places, but I always want it to be by his side. I am not a loner, I am not complete without Grant. I want to look back in ten years and have a multitude of amazing memories (I already have ten years worth of incredible memories and want many, many more.) I have to admit there have been times in our marriage where we have let go of each other a little, and when we did grow apart things did not feel right, they were not our best times. As soon as we realized it we made changes, pulled it together and found each other. Things feel like it should be when we stay close and work (keyword work) to not grow apart. My true happiness is when I am with my family, especially Grant! I would imagine without him it would be true despair.
This may sound very idealistic, but it is so true to me. Does that mean it is easy, no way. Do we have to work every day for it...absolutely. I work hard for our relationship, as hard as I know how. It is eternal and I try to treat it that way every day of my life. A huge part of why I love the gospel so much is the eternal nature of our family and the unmatchable joy I receive as a result of these relationships. I am glad I have the knowledge I do to help me through the rough patches and see the blessings of working it out!
Though I am sad for my neighbor, and those out there that just let it go, I am so happy for my family and for the opportunity and ability to work on and make my happily ever after!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Jamison Saga

The meeting with Jamison's teacher went okay. She was going to have a class meeting about not kicking and pushing (In one of our talks, Jamison told me that kids were doing that to her...pushing her out of line saying she was cutting when she did not. I am sure it happens because I have seen certain kids pushing her in line before.) I am going to make some adjustments at home...not be rushing from one thing to the next after school and do some fun things with James one on one as much as is possible in our home. Grant was pretty frustrated because we found out she is sucking her thumb almost constantly at school. The next day when I picked her up from school her teacher informed me that she was "ugly" to the other kids at school and had a rough day. She ended up in time out at school, which led to an extended time out at home as well. Later that night I was talking to Britney and got more insight into the situation. At library she was pushed around by a kid trying to tell her what to do. After that they were in line to get ready for lunch and a conversation went as such:

Note, I have told Jamison that she cannot expect people to play with her and sit with her at lunch, she needs to ask people. I know this is very difficult for her to do.

James: Katelynn do you want to sit with me at lunch?
Katelynn: No
James: Jenavae will you sit with me at lunch?
Jenavae: No
James: Eli do you want to sit with me at lunch?
Eli: No, we are not your friend.
James then sticks her tongue out at Eli...I do not blame her.
Eli: Teacher, teacher, teacher, Jamison stuck her tongue out at me.

So how often is she getting in trouble because the teacher is only getting the last line of the story.

I realized that I am only seeing or imagining a part of the picture. I am sure Jamison is a stinker plenty, but how often is it provoked and I just do not know? I felt horrible. She obviously is having a rough time at school and does not totally feel totally safe there (possible the elevated levels of thumb sucking) and then she comes home and gets in trouble here too, so I am not making home safe for her either. I felt so bad when I gained this new perspective. I have decided that I need to chill out, back off James a little and have more fun with her. She still will be expected to obey, but I am going to try and harp on her less about school, have more conversations with her and understand better what really is going on. We painted fingernails today and had a quick little alone time. I let her pick what she wanted. She seems so much happier today.

I feel so helpless and lost. I feel like I should know what to do, but I do not...I am just winging it. I just want home to be a safe place, a place to learn, grow, laugh, have fun and know that you are unconditionally loved. I need to be better about making our home just that.

Friday, March 6, 2009

What is a mom to do?

So...Jamison had a rough day yesterday. When I went to pick her up from school the teacher informed me that she was not good. She was not following directions and when the teacher told her to do something she stuck her tongue out at the teacher. The teacher told her that she was going to talk to her mom, and she replied in a snooty voice, "Mom my is not here." As the teacher is telling me this with Jamison there she says, "Jamison was really hateful today." Now maybe I am oversensitive, but I really have issues with a teacher using the terminology hateful at all but even more so in regards to my child. Her teacher is a good teacher, but I just think her and James have a personality conflict. I am very concerned because Jamison has been kind of a turkey the last couple of weeks at home, and now at school. I want her to learn to respect adults and how to treat them, there is no question about that. I am starting to think that maybe she needs more time at home and she would be better. I am really considering pulling her out at half day, which is a very tough decision because she will miss a lot of the fun stuff. I feel like I do not have enough time with her, and maybe she is needing just a little more one on one. I want her to be excited about school, not dread it already. I want to do what is best for her, but I am not sure what that is. I am going to meet with her teacher on Monday to try and figure out what is best for her. I am sure some day I will look back on this whole incident and laugh, but right now I am just concerned. I want her in public school, I think it is really good for her, I just wish Kindergarten was only half day. What to do, what to do.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Fourth times a charm????

So I am hoping my fourth time on antibiotics (Since mid November) is a charm...PLEASE! The first of December I got a filling in my back molar that was a pretty bad cavity, but the tooth was alive and seemed great...until Monday. My jaw had actually been aching for over a month, but the dentist and I thought it was something else (my dentist and I are becoming great friends..I feel like I am there all the time lately.) So Saturday and Sunday night I did not sleep well because my mouth hurt. By Monday morning I was counting down the time to call the office. Advil was not taking away any pain, nor Loratab, so I was at my max. He was out of town but I called him on his cel and he got me a z pack and referred me to a specialist. I called and was lucky they had an opening the next day. By Monday night I was in so much pain I could not sleep. I was worried about all the pain killers I was taking and how it would effect Mique, but she seems fine. Tuesday I almost did not send James to school because I did not even think that I could get up to get her off. I called the specialist and they could not get me in any sooner, and the first visit was just an initial exam...I needed treatment! I was throwing up I was in so much pain. I just wanted to cry...and actually did. I finally called a friend...another dentist at the practice and asked him to help me. He prescribed me a stronger pain med, but that barely took the edge off. He got me in a couple hours later and opened the tooth and started the root canal. Wednesday the specialist finished it and I am doing so much better! Root canals get a bad name, but it is the pain that led up to it that is horrible, the procedure was such a relief. I am so lucky to have good friends help me when I need and ask, and great family (MOM!) to step in and help with the kids and everything so I can recover. It has not been my year, but I am so blessed to be surrounded by the people that I am!