Monday, December 20, 2010
1. Grant has been working what I refer to as "stupid crazy hours" and for the last several months he has only been home for about 1 or 2 family home evenings. I get tired of doing it all by myself. I am exhausted by that point, and to have to try and control all the kids and teach them at the same time does not always work out in my favor. So I was not exactly jazzed about doing it by myself again.
2. We wanted to do something for a family in our ward, and we were given the name of an older lady who has struggled with some physical limitations. What she needed was some attention and time. Grant and I both thought, "seriously could you have picked a worse family," (meaning Grant and I) right now our time, especially Grant's is sooooo limited. For FHE the plan was to take her a gingerbread house the kids made and let her know we were thinking of her. I was feeling like this was not going to be fun by myself and 5 kids in the home of a person they do not know.
So trying to not doing it begrudgingly, we headed out after dinner. On the way one of the kids made me mad, and I was ready to give up, and stop trying so hard to do everything I know I need to, but feel like I do not have the energy to do by myself. I tried to shake it off, we practiced our song we were going to sing and we went forward.
We got there, the kids were shy, but warmed up super quick. We went into her home, we chatted, and the kids played. Each of the kids, besides Isaac, gave her several hugs. Isaac smiled at her. She called them angels and kept saying how we made her night. She was thrilled and smiled the whole time. My spirits lifted, and it ended up being a great night.
It was one of those experiences where I tried to be of service, but gained so much more than given. I needed tonight, and I learned that pushing through the rough patches brings it's rewards!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
In the meantime our ice maker on our refrigerator broke. When the repairman was here for that I asked him which ones break down the most so I felt secure in my decision. He proceeded to tell me every reason not to get a front load. He ended with saying the only good thing he has to say about them is they make him money. So, by the end of the day I was talked out of them. I talked with Grant about what he told me and we agreed there were some points he made that simply did not make sense.
So...I started reading about them again and am not thinking I am not ready to give up on the dream of front loads. I called Amy to ask her a question about hers and we talked about it. After a bit she said, "I am going to say this with love, but stop being so....Brittani. Don't second guess yourself and just go for it."
I love that she said that to me, cause it is "SO Brittani!" I am not the best about making decisions when it involves spending money...but I am still not decided so I guess I am Brittani through and through.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
So my new issue with shoes is finding ones that tie. Now that my two oldest kids know how to tie their own shoes, I purposefully buy only shoes with laces. Am I weird? I feel like it is something they need to practice, because after all practice makes perfect. You would not believe how difficult it is to find shoes with laces (hence the buying a shoes that is a tad to big...to get her size there were no lace up shoes.) So maybe over all I am a snob, but what can I say....I have an opinion.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
I always start my run at about a 12 minute pace and increase it to warm up and get used to running. When I hit the 10 minute a mile pace I feel like I am booking it, but I am still just warming up. I increase the speed more and do intervals with 8:30 minute miles, up to 8 minute mile pace. After I have increased my speed and gotten my heart rate up, I drop my speed back down to catch my breath. I drop it back down to a 10 minute mile pace, only this time instead of feeling like I am booking it, I feel like it is a jog and I can catch my breath. It is the same exact pace, but what I have been through in the meantime affects the way it feels.
It made me think that this is how my trials feel sometimes. When I am beginning them I feel like they are unbearable and like my feet might fly out from underneath me. But as time goes on, and I continue to work through them, I can look back and feel so much less pain and see my growth and new stamina. Our perspective changes if we let it and we can see the good that comes from fighting through the pain!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The injury she incurred to her brain has left her body involuntarily fidgety and she trashes around. I learned quickly that holding her hands, without even talking helped her relax her body, if even for moments. She calmed down enough to even get a few winks. It was a reminder to me how powerful a simple touch can be...even a kiss that can calm and relax a person in pain or distress.
While I was there Nanny tried to talk. Papa jumped right up to her side and said, "It is okay honey, what do you want to say? Did you try and say I love you? I love you (said with such tenderness)." Nanny's mouth instantly smiled. It was so wonderful to see that deep love, a love of so long that has been through so much. That is the kind of love we all deserve. What a great example to have.
Even though mortality is rearing its head, it has allowed great awarness and reflection for me.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
1. Family scripture study
2. Family Prayer
3. Family Home evening
4. Family Dinner
5. Individual Interviews with each kid
I know I cannot make my kids decisions for them, but I do know I want them to be better than we were and want them to live well and be happy. I am grateful for living prophets and apostles that remind us what we can do to help. We will keep on keepin on and hold off those teen years as long as we can...but do everything possible in the mean time to help them be good confident people.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
We were driving home from Utah and only 15 minutes away from the house. Asher asked if he could watch a movie. I told him no because we were almost home. He then said, "But mom if you let me watch a movie you will get a prize." I asked really, what is the prize. "I cannot tell you, I am not allowed to, but if you let me you will get a prize."
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Last week the kids all got in trouble for wandering around the house with food. I sat them all on the couch and explained why they were in trouble (calmly mind you.) Then I sent them off to clean their rooms. I was down in the girls room organizing clothes and working along side James when she said, "Mom I still love you even though I am in trouble." I told her I loved her too, no matter what even if she was in trouble. I asked her if she knew that. She said, "No, I just thought if I was in trouble you did not love me." AH, break my heart...I sat her down and explained to her that no matter what I always loved her the most. She seemed happy, gave me a big hug and went on her way.
The other day Asher was wanting me to zip up his hoodie but I was trying to get Isaac to sleep. I told him he would just have to wait until I got him to sleep. A few minutes later Isaac was alseep but I told Asher to just wait because I was enjoying Isaac. He told me that is not how people do it. I told him that was how I was going to do it. He then said, "That is not how you do it. When a kid asks for something the mom does it." Needless to say he got his hoodie zipped.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
After school he rode the bus home. At first he was telling me that he wanted to do it all by himself. When he was in line to go on a tour of the school (and before he got back I would leave) I asked him one more time if he wanted to do it by himself or if he wanted me to come help. He said he wanted me. I have to admit a big part of me was glad he is still a little dependant (though not much.)
He did great and loved it. He was ready to go again Monday morning. James got to go this time to.
I think she may have been more excited about wearing her new sweater than school, but she was still excited about school. She was a little shy when I dropped her off, but she did not cry. She did great.
I have to say it was very odd to leave to kids at school. I went to the store, and it felt weird to only have 3 with me. For awhile Isaac and Mique were napping so it was just Asher and I. It seems empty, but they are off and I will not hold them back.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I was riding my bike on a trainer indoors. I was having a good ride with only 5 minutes left and on my last interval. I was standing up for a minute long and was in the middle of that when Asher came in to talk to me. I was paying more attention to him than my riding and before I knew it I was falling. I was clipped in to the pedals, and my clips are too tight so I could not get me feet out. I threw my arm out to cushion the fall (bad idea) and hyper extended my elbow. I was in a fair amount of pain, and still clipped into my bike. I was laying on the ground trying to get the pain under control and get unclipped and out of the awkward position. I eventually did it.
But now my elbow is sore, swollen and left me unable to do most of my workouts....seriously, losing weight is not a bad thing, so why are the odds so against me? I am sure I looked hilarious to Asher as I fell and lay on the ground, and I am now laughing at what a nerd I am. Maybe someday I will be able to take care of myself and get back to it.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I do not like being pregnant, that is not a secret. We have no problem getting pregnant, and I have probably close to the easiest pregnancies, but I do not enjoy them. I do not look at pregnant women and feel envious, I am so glad it is not me. That said, nearly half of the last eight years I have been pregnant. It had become who I was. Our life was planned around our pregnancies and when the next little one would come to our family.
The other half of those eight years has been spent nursing, and I have another nine months or so to go. Either I am carrying a little baby inside me, or carrying one attached to me. That has become my way of life, it is what I know. That life pre kiddos seems and feels like a different Brittani.
Do not get me wrong, I do not desire to remain in this state and Grant is not shy about "tapping out." I am excited to move towards the diaperless stage. It is a relief to know I only have 2 more to potty train. I look forward to the option of sleeping through the night. I will get to still hold babies, but give them back when they cry. I will get to be an aunt again.
So why is it so weird for me to say I am done. I think it is because this baby stage is so familiar and comfortable. The five kids have come to us in just under seven years, so we have constantly been in baby stage. This next stage, though exciting, is unknown. It is a change.
Though change often scares me, it does not keep me from it. I suppose these strange feelings are not necessarily knowing how to define myself now that it is not about having another kid. It is about being mom to the ones that are growing up. Part of me is sad that they are getting so big, and time only speeds up.
I am not sure how to cope with this new stage and the unknown nature of it, but I am sure I will figure it out. I am pretty confident that I am not the first woman to go through this and have these emotions. I get to redefine myself, that will be an adventure!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
He has been very interested in the priesthood lately. He is trying to figure it all out and cannot wait til he has it. On Sunday Grant and him were talking and he kept calling it the "Moronic " priesthood. Grant worked with him for hours, and he still could not get it straight. Bless his heart, he is trying so hard and so sincere...but according to him that is what it is.
The other day he kept talking about growing up and when he grew up he was going to be a dad. I finally asked him why he wanted to grow up so bad. The conversation went as follows:
A: Because I want to
Me: Well stop trying to grow up so quick
Me: Because I do not want you to
A: Why not?
Me: Because when you grow up and you are a dad you will not live with me anymore
A: Yeah I will
Me: I hope not
A: Yeah, I will still live with you
Funny funny kids. I love these little moments!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Me: can you tell me what the charges are for next month
Rep: it looks like those were PPV (pay per view) that were also ordered
Me: What is the difference between VOD and PPV
Rep: both are movies that have to be ordered, just a different channel
Me: Is there anything that can be done about that?
Rep: unfortunately no because it was a valid order by remote
Me: Can you tell me what was ordered?
Rep: it looks like it was an adult movie
Me: what do you mean adult?
Rep: Umm adult content (said a little hesitantly)
Me: can you tell me what time that was ordered
Rep I cannot tell you exactly, but it looks like it was about 10 am
Me: Yep that was my kids, nice.
He did help me lock the channels so it cannot be done again without the pass code, but almost $30 later I learned that letting the TV babysit might provide a way for inappropriate things to be ordered (going from Disney to that, not wasting time are we.)....sweet Brittani another shining mom moment!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
I had so hoped that Isaac would be a cuddle bug and give me loves (esp because he is our last and Mique was quite the opposite.) He gives me what I wanted every day and several times a day.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I was a mother (watcher) of ten kids today ranging from 12 to 1 month. My five made up half the tribe, Harley was with us because her mom was helping with scout camp and then we got to have the 4 oldest Graff kids come and play. The great thing about ten kids is that they entertain each other. By the end of the day the floor badly needed swept and mopped, rooms needed cleaned and toys put away, but it was a fantastic day.
The kiddos planned and threw a little party and watched a little tv. They played dress-up, bubbles, games, the computer and school. We had a variety of food for lunch consisting of mac-n-cheese, raman noodles, hot dogs, tater tots, chicken nuggets and root beer (hey I do not care there was nothing healthy about it, they all ate!) There was a lot of snacking too!
After Shandon and I hung out, watched videos of his silly aunt and his pictures we decided to go to the park. I took the first load of kids, left Shandon there to watch them while I came back and got the second load of kids. Apparently I need a 15 passenger van. We played at the park for a bit before I needed to take the Graff kids home so they could get ready to go out of town.
The kids had a blast and did so well together. Ten kids for a day was a lot of fun and actually pretty easy. I am just glad I do not have to do laundry for ten, I will just play with them and then send half of them home. Here's too good kids and good times!