The meeting with Jamison's teacher went okay. She was going to have a class meeting about not kicking and pushing (In one of our talks, Jamison told me that kids were doing that to her...pushing her out of line saying she was cutting when she did not. I am sure it happens because I have seen certain kids pushing her in line before.) I am going to make some adjustments at home...not be rushing from one thing to the next after school and do some fun things with James one on one as much as is possible in our home. Grant was pretty frustrated because we found out she is sucking her thumb almost constantly at school. The next day when I picked her up from school her teacher informed me that she was "ugly" to the other kids at school and had a rough day. She ended up in time out at school, which led to an extended time out at home as well. Later that night I was talking to Britney and got more insight into the situation. At library she was pushed around by a kid trying to tell her what to do. After that they were in line to get ready for lunch and a conversation went as such:
Note, I have told Jamison that she cannot expect people to play with her and sit with her at lunch, she needs to ask people. I know this is very difficult for her to do.
James: Katelynn do you want to sit with me at lunch?
Katelynn: No
James: Jenavae will you sit with me at lunch?
Jenavae: No
James: Eli do you want to sit with me at lunch?
Eli: No, we are not your friend.
James then sticks her tongue out at Eli...I do not blame her.
Eli: Teacher, teacher, teacher, Jamison stuck her tongue out at me.
So how often is she getting in trouble because the teacher is only getting the last line of the story.
I realized that I am only seeing or imagining a part of the picture. I am sure Jamison is a stinker plenty, but how often is it provoked and I just do not know? I felt horrible. She obviously is having a rough time at school and does not totally feel totally safe there (possible the elevated levels of thumb sucking) and then she comes home and gets in trouble here too, so I am not making home safe for her either. I felt so bad when I gained this new perspective. I have decided that I need to chill out, back off James a little and have more fun with her. She still will be expected to obey, but I am going to try and harp on her less about school, have more conversations with her and understand better what really is going on. We painted fingernails today and had a quick little alone time. I let her pick what she wanted. She seems so much happier today.
I feel so helpless and lost. I feel like I should know what to do, but I do not...I am just winging it. I just want home to be a safe place, a place to learn, grow, laugh, have fun and know that you are unconditionally loved. I need to be better about making our home just that.
5 comments:
brittani, you are doing great with jamison. she is a lucky little girl to have great parents who really care and try to help the situation. i think you guys are awesome, and i think jamison is fine. i'm glad you guys had a fun afternoon together.
Brittani, don't worry. I think you are honestly one of the best moms I have ever met. I am always looking at how you treat your kids and run your home, and taking mental notes on how I can be like you when I have kids. You are just what Jamison needs, and you have the abilities and the Spirit to help you face this and any other challenges that may come up. I am with you, I certainly can't blame Jamison for sticking out her tongue or feeling bad if she is being treated unfairly. Poor thing. She must have felt frustrated that day at school.
I've been thinking a lot about you and about James and about this situation you've found yourself in.
For the first five years of these kids' lives we create for them a world where they are safe and unconditionally loved. When it's time for them to branch out on their own sometimes they have to run into these kinds of situations where they don't feel safe and they don't feel loved. I'm sure she is trying to deal with these things the best way she knows how. I think you are making great decisions when it comes to all of your kids. I think if you continue to do what you're doing the two of you will be able to conquer this together. Love you both!
I think one of the hardest things for me is to have my child treated unkindly. Poor Jamison. It's so hard to adjust to being away from home all day and being in the big bad world. I'm so glad you had some fun with her. That seems to solve a multitude of problems with my children. Sterkte!
In yw I gave a lesson on home being the safe haven where you can re fill your pitcher after a hard day. I think that is really all you can do, is what you are doing. I dont look forward to being in your shoes but just know that your kids are great and Jamison will make it through this
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