Thursday, July 30, 2009

A mind like mine

When Grant and I were first married and driving somewhere, anywhere and there had been an extended silence I would ask, "what are you thinking about." He would usually answer, "Nothing really." It would make me so mad. I just figured he did not want to tell me what he was thinking about, or just wanted to avoid conversation with me. Whatever the reason, the result was me feeling upset. It has only been in the last year or two that he has explained to me that there are times that his mind literally is blank, he is not thinking. He says that it has been proven (by who I do not know) that men can actually not think. Weird huh. Well now I am jealous, I want to be able to not think.

My mind is constantly going, and not at just any speed, usually warp speed. At times I will say something that throws Grant off because he is baffled at how I got from one subject to another. Occasionally I will indulge him with a review of my exact train of thought. Jumping from one thought to another might seem random, but when given the train, it makes more sense. What amazes me is that it can take me several minutes to say out loud what I have thought in a matter of seconds, and the thoughts NEVER stop.

My thoughts are even very vivid in my dreams and I realize that my mind does not really slow down in my sleep. I can be very tired and have a hard time falling asleep because I cannot get my mind to chill out long enough to welcome in a little slumber. I am finding myself waking up almost as exhausted, and off run the thinking again. The only time I can recognize my mind taking a break is when I can singing along to a song (usually in the car with the music turned up way too loud...mostly so I cannot hear myself.) Maybe that is why I liked dancing so much (and often miss it) because it is a time when I can shut down mentally.

I have become a bit envious of Grant's ability to not think, and wonder if most people are like me, or more like Grant!

7 comments:

Rachel Clare said...

This sounds EXACTLY like us. In fact, I've started some deep relaxation techniques to get myself to go back to sleep at night when I wake up with my mind racing!

Annie. said...

You and Talon must come from the same family! He cannot shut his mind off at night either.

Chanel said...

Declan learned at school this year that males can stop thinking and literally have a blank moment. Women can not, if they do they are dead. Now this has been a great source of debate between him and Decota all year because she will say she was not thinking and he will say that she is in fact dead then. I totally believe it because I feel the same way. There are so many times when Rodney and I are kissing and I all of the sudden blurt out something that I was just thinking about, and he gets totally offended. He just doesn't understand that I can not just fully shut off my brain and enjoy the minute. Oh well- I guess that is why women are able to handle everything when men would crumble under all of the differences in our multiple responsibilities!

SuSu said...

I've often wished I could just stop thinking for even a minute....but it is not to be. For you see men are from Mars and women are from Venus and that is just the way it is!

Miquelyn Hollingsworth said...

DAve and I are the same way. It drive's me crazy when I ask him what he was thinking and he's just like oh nothing, I'm just driving. Ahhh...but I totally know how you feel!

Mikael Squire said...

I have the jumpiest mind too. Example: Not too long ago I was sitting in a hot tub with a bunch of ppl in some sort of intense conversation. I got bored so my mind started straying. I leaned over to my friend and said "Did you know Sonic is open 24 hours here?" He just looked at me and laughed and asked where in the world that came from. Made perfect sense to me!

Kara said...

I am always thinking about something, and it used to drive me crazy that Brandon could never answer me when I asked him what he was thinking. But, at night I fall asleep instantly, and Brandon is awake thinking.