A Testimony is found in the bearing of it

Yesterday we had kind of a cool sacrament meeting. I was in the mother's room feeding Mique when four of the young men got up together and bore their testimonies in English and then in Spanish. They worked on learning it and were challenged to share in Sacrament meeting. They did a great job, and I found myself feeling a little jealous that they were able to learn a little Spanish. I wish I spoke it so badly, but obviously not bad enough to actually learn it. Shortly after that I walked back into sacrament to sit with my family.

Shortly after that I look up to my dad on the stand and he mouths something to me. It took a second to register, but he was telling me to come do it in Dutch. I did not hesitate to shake my head and tell him NO WAY! I am not that great about bearing my testimony anyway, let alone in another language. Though, it did not take long for my wheels to start turning.

I had not shared my testimony in over nine years in Dutch. I knew it would not come out smooth, and what if I struggled for words? I have only kind of spoken Dutch out loud three times in the last 9 1/2 years. Then I think if those boys had the courage to do it in a language they really do not know, why should I not have the courage to it in a language that I do know, though a bit rusty.

Then I think about how someone mentioned they knew their mother's testimony because they heard her bear it often. I want my kids to know I have a testimony, yet I do not bear it often. I do not want them to be scared to go up if they feel the prompting. If that is the case, then I need to be an example, as much as I might not like it.

Then I thought, what is the point of sharing in Dutch, no one will understand. There really was no purpose. That though was quickly shattered. I realized there are some things of which I wanted to bear testimony, but they are so personal I would not actually do it in sacrament meeting. This was a great opportunity for me to say some tings out loud that I want my Heavenly Father to hear. It was a way for me to say those things out loud without feeling uncomfortable due to the personal nature.

Okay, so all my reasons were washed away and I knew it was something I should do. I needed time to formulate in my head and make sure I felt comfortable with most of the words I wanted to use. I waited until the last, but I made myself get up and do it. I am not sure what it is about getting up there, but I forgot to say several things I intended. I am very confident that my thoughts and intention were know by Heavenly Father and he understands what I wanted to say to Him.

I have always loved the following quote by Boyd K Packer, and feel its power even more today:

"Oh if I could teach you this one principle. A testimony is to be found in the bearing of it! Somewhere in your quest for spiritual knowledge, there is that 'leap of faith,' as the philosophers call it. It is the moment when you have gone to the edge of the light and stepped into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead just a footstep or two. "The spirit of man,' as the scripture says, indeed 'is the candle of the Lord." It is one thing to receive a witness from what you have read or what another has said; and it is a necessary beginning. It is quite another to have the Spirit confirm to you in your bosom that what you have testified is true. Can you not see that it will be supplied as you share it? As you give that which you have, there is a replacement, with increase!"

It was something I needed to do, and of course something that strengthened me. I originally thought there was no point, but I was quickly reminded that there always is a reason, and yesterday the reason for for my own benefit!